can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize