I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize