I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize