On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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