I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sorry my hands just texted you
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize