i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
sarcasm needs its own font
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
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Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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