Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
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Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
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