so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
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$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
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5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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