my phone needs a breathalizer
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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