My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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