Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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