were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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