Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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