i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize