i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize