Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize