Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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