we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
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Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
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Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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