i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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