so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
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Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
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ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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