my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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