She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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