Cold hands, warm shart.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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