He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
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Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
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We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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