I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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