I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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