So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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