cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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