If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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