so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize