I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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