so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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