Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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