He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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