Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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