well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
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He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
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I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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