Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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