I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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