I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
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It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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