I wish I could teleport
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize