I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
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you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
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