why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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