Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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