i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
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i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
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I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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