I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
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How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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