I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
