i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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