Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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