I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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