I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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