well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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